New Years Eve

Here it is... New Year's Eve 2012.

I am sitting at home alone.

I will not be alone all night, but I'm not leaving my house. Three of my lovely friends are coming over and I'm sure I will laugh with them and have a good time.

But I've been sitting on my bed thinking back on this year.

So many wonderful amazing things happened, but I can't stop thinking about the things that hurt me this year.

I am quick to love and so far that has only led to pain.

So I am hoping that 2013 leads to better results.

I am hoping.

A Thursday.

Today went from a really full day to a pretty empty day. I was set to go to the gym, hang out with my Bestie for a long time and then go to this party with a bunch of teenagers. What was the one thing I did? I went to the party.

Didn't have my buddy to go to the gym with this morning, and my stupid key thing still isnt working. I called and apparently it never would have worked because it said my account was expired or whatever. So hopefully that will be fixed soon. I need to not be fat by new years. I dont see this happening so much. Ideally id lose 6 pounds by then. but my lack of access to the gym without Michelle makes that seem impossible. Also... I'm going to NYC sat night until NYE.

Then because of the snow last night and today, my Biffle who lives in Granville was stranded and couldnt come to hang out with me. I miss her mucho.

But I still went to the party cuz I wanted to see a couple people, one of which was in Spain this whole semester. I only stayed for a while because, let's face it, I was Old Man Jones there with a bunch of kids no older than 17...

The best thing out of the party was to hear that my High School music teacher still talks about me and wishes that I was still there to be in Chorus and in the Musicals. So that's nice to be remembered and missed.

And because I had nothing better to do today, I made a couple more cds from shows I recorded and watched the Muppets movie finally.

It was pretty relaxing, yet productive in it's own way.

Tomorrow has some fun in store. I'll tell you all about it.

Until next time.

Busy town

Oh man! I got off my game and missed two days!

But I guess those days were Christmas Eve and Christmas day, so maybe I have an excuse.

I see that a few days ago I had 60 pages views. This... blows my mind. I only thought like 3 people cared about the blog or even knew it existed.

So... my mom's sister and family were down here for Christmas. They came in Dec 24th evening and left this morning. They are fun and we laugh a lot with them. Plus we ate an absurd amount of food. Which was all very yummy, but also makes me superfat. So I tried to eat less today, was successful, but still ate more than I should. Boo.

I got some practical stuffs for xmas which is always good. The biggest fun thing I got was the entire series of Parks and Recreation on DVD. I hope you watch and love this show. If not, do yourself a favor and go watch it.

Today I made audio tracks of my illegal recording of Newsies, so that was fun. Then I went to the mall with my friends and bought a whole bunch of things at Forever 21 for RUL cheap. It was greatness. Now, I basically have all the clothes I may need. Then we went and saw Les Mis. Me for the second time and it was wonderful. I predict another viewing with my family at some point. I'm all for it. Then we at dinner with some more friends at Friendlys. I got the Honey BBQ Chicken Supermelt as I ALWAYS do and it was delicious. I refrained from getting the meal thing which comes with a drink and dessert. So that was good, but it was still eating out and so... fat. Then it was snowing and we had an epic journey to drop people off and then I went to the gym on my way home only to find that my key things still doesnt work and so I gotta deal with that.

Tomorrow I get to hang out with my Bestie and Biffle! (They are the same person haha) That is if this darn snow lets up.

Alrighty... I'm falling asleep here, so I think I shall actually do that.

Nighty nighty!

The Glee Show

I caught up on the last three episodes of the Glee show today.

Starting off, I loved this show and everything about it. Then I stuck up for it, assuming it was just going through a phase. Now I just flat out can't stand it, but continue to watch because it seems like some sort of child of mine that I have to make sure is still at least alive and continuing to exist.

It had a sister named Smash which has become the favorite child, but I can't give all my attention to her, even though Glee has been acting out lately.

And watching these past three episodes, there were scarce moments when I was proud to call him my child. The rest of the time, I was just embarrassed. The moments I liked were *spoiler alert as if anyone cares* when Kurt sang Being Alive. Thought that was just great. And he didn't use falsetto ONCE during the song. A big step. Then of course in the next episode he was back up floating in the stratosphere for no particular reason. The other moment was when the new Rachel (Oh.. her name is Marley... I only remember because of the joke Sue makes about the movie Marley and Me. That was hilarious) and her mom get a tree and presents and money anonymously from Sue (but then somehow figure it out). It was just sweet.

Otherwise Glee is mostly just a pile of crap. And I wish his sister, Smash more success than him.

Sorry 'bout it.

You Ok?

I guess I just suck at knowing how to read people through their texts.

Yesterday I found out I was not cast in In The Heights. It sucked. I mean in all the ways I was expecting to not get in. YET in all the ways I was expecting to get in. Not getting cast, or the rejection of it all, is not the thing that made me sad. It was not getting a chance to work with this team that disappointed me. AND the fact that seemingly my one chance at playing this part is gone. So basically its a bummer.

So I'm not feeling so hot and then I get a text.

It was J, who I don't believe has been mentioned on this here blog yet. J and I happened like 3 weeks ago. It was fun. It was one night. I left my number because... if you read this blog, you are certain to know, I'm always game for more. Yesterday was the first day I get a text.... 3 weeks later. There was a pseudo-apology within the initial text. But I chose to respond in a friendly but non eager way (at least I tried to)

Then the responses became really confusing. Maybe I'm making them more confusing than they were, but it seemed like I was being brushed off. I dont get why after 3 weeks one would text and not have any desire for any sort of conversation. So then I was mad. Because naturally... once my emotions are headed in a direction, everything pulls them deeper and deeper in that direction. I may be bipolar or some shit like that. Who knows.

Grumpy Bryan was all over the place and Twitter caught a lot of the expulsion of feeling.

Mid day today I get a text saying "How's everything been? You ok?"

Sorry, but DA FUCK does that mean? I began to wonder if my Twitter rantings had been sighted by J, then I thought... maybe he's just talking about ITH. So I've responded in that vain, but who knows.

Once again, I find myself just wishing people were honest about how they felt and didnt play these silly little games. And I find myself wanting to be super honest with them, but I know if I just let go and say all the things I'm really thinking, I will ensure fright and will never be spoken to again.

UGH. Life is frustrating.

The End Of The World

Here's my to-be-expected end of the world post.

Everyone's been chattering on about it on Facebook, but I have restrained. So I'll mention it here. (By the way... it ain't hapennin')

But twere it to occur.. at least I ate at the Olive Garden yesterday!

For my last day on Earth, since.. let's be real, if the apocalypse does occur... no way I'll be saved after the things I've done ;) hehehe

SO... for my last day on Earth, I'm going to the gym with Michelle then getting a haircut then going shopping for clothes and at Barnes and Noble.

Should prove to be a thrilling day!
Have a great last day!
I love you!

There's No Place Like Home

I've been blogging a whole lot more often lately... perchance this is due to the lack of insanity in my life.

I'm back home now in good old Southwick.

Last night I went to sleep at 10 and woke up at 8 this morning. Solid. Have I mentioned that my body does not let me sleep late in the morning ever? Cuz it's true. But 10 hours of sleep is a brilliant amount.

Also.. I've watched 8 episodes of Private Practice in the past 24 hours. So there's that. I'm taking some relaxation time because... I want to.

I was going to go to the Olive Garden this evening, but those plans fell through. DUMB. But I'll go soon. But since I will not probably be doing anything today.. I've just been sitting in my bed watching the PP and eating the foodz.

Tomorrow will be the day that I return to the gym. Did I go to the gym once at NYU?? Nope... whoops. But I've already paid for the gym here, and now I've got a buddy! My friend Michelle goes to the same place now, so we will work out together and it will be greatness.

I'm really hoping that today is my last "do nothing all day" day. I really plan to be productive this break. I want to read a lot, go to the gym a lot, get stuff done that doesn't really matter, but I usually don't have time for, NOT eat all the food every day, see my friends, and go back to NYC refreshed and ready to tackle this next semester like a boss making jello.

That last remark... it has been decided by my friend and roommate Sarah and I that we should relate everything to jello in some way. Because it's fun and hilarious.

One more thing... they STILL have yet to let me know about In The Heights. I am going crazy! But they told us that the delay was because of the need to gain approval from the Tisch Studios for each student in order for them to be cast.... So we are waiting on that. I hope in all the ways that I am in good academic standing and will not be halted from doing this show. I don't believe I would be in a dangerous place, but.... now I'm paranoid.

OK. Happy Thursday!

Oh yeah... and I hope the world doesn't end tomorrow! :)

Bring Him Home

Well... I scheduled my bus for 1:15 this afternoon anticipating a possible late night last night/slowth of my packing this morning. Neither happened. Now I'm bored. And ready to go home.

But last night was fun because I got to see an advanced screening of Les Miserables with Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS.

First: the movie. I really enjoyed it a lot. I thought it was beautifully done. But... I had some complaints. Which is unlike me. Usually I just love love love movie musicals even when everyone else hates them. And my complaints are not great in number or intensity, but they do exist. This is not a negative, but Javert's death is Rough for Theatre I. I thought it was done well, and there's no doubt that he's dead. NONE. My biggest issue was with Hugh Jackman. I actually thought his "I'm acting while singing" thing was a little pushed at times, but just sometimes. Overall, I think he did very well. The one thing that I really disliked was his rendition of Bring Him Home. He freaking belted the whole thing. The WHOLE thing. This is not a song one belts. There is a moment when it builds to a belt, but it certainly should not start or end that way. (And I use the word belt loosely, he was really just singing in full chest voice) So that bothered me a lot. It just in no way felt right. Another thing that bothered me a bit was the occasional throat singing from Eddie Redmayne. It was distracting. The person I think did the most consistent job and got the least recognition thus far is Aaron Tveit. He's just amazeballs in all the ways. ALL the ways.

There is plenty else to talk about, but I don't care to write it all down here. But I'd be happy to discuss.

Second: the company. So... I didn't actually have plans to go to this screening with anyone. I had discussed the fact that I would be there with both my friend Jesse and Z, but didn't make solid plans on like "let's meet there... etc"with either. Jesse texted me shortly before I got there and so I was going to meet him. But... then as I was exiting the subway, The Battery's Down theme was playing on my iPod and so naturally... I was singing along. And apparently Z was just turning the corner when I unashamedly was "belting" the last "Wahh" of the song and startled him. He turned around and saw me and then we walked in together. So then I had this awkward time of talking to him and talking to Jesse with Z being unaware that I was doing so. And basically Z just made me his and assumed I would follow him around wherever he went. And, well, this was true. But I felt bad for sort of leaving Jesse in the dust. I tried to keep him attune to where we got seats and the like, but it ended up not working out. But I also explained to Jesse that Z was an interest so I think he understood. But after the evening unfolded, I feel bad for allowing myself to get swept away by Z. We were talking and it came about that Z had completely forgotten that we went to see Titanic in 3D together this spring. DA FUCK?! And then after the movie he was like "I'm going to the bathroom then I don't know what my plans are. What are you doing?" And I was like... I got no plans. Then there was a pause and then he was like PEACE. And I left. Alone. I decided to be available for connection but not actively pursue it because I have made my feelings perfectly clear, so continuing to force myself on someone who doesn't want me seems a little pointless. So I just decided that if anything were to happen it would be initiated by Z. No big surprise it wasn't. Basically, I'm donezo with that now. I mean, I ain't gonna say no if the situation arrises, but there is just no point in pursuing it any further.

So... there's all that. Probably far more than any of you care about. But it used up some time writing it, so I have less minutes until I go home now.

ALSO: I still have not heard from In The Heights. I am literally going crazy.

I Dreamed a Dream

So today I had my last final and then my last day at TADA for the semester.

Then I got to see my OG friend, Sam for a while and we ate some delicious food in Little Italy.

Tonight I am going to an advanced screening of the Les Miz movie with Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. Z will be there and there are free preshow cocktails so... things could get fun. Hahaha But in all seriousness I cannot wait for this movie. I am so excited.

But... I am hoping that the only person I hear sing I Dreamed a Dream tonight is Anne Hathaway and not me as well when I am sobbing on my way home.

Sure Les Miz is sad and all, but I am waiting to hear if I got cast in In The Heights at NYU or not.  I auditioned, got called back for Benny (yes.. the black character, cuz I'm so black) and then didn't get called back for him again, but instead was brought in for Piragua Guy. The callback was last night and I think went fairly well, but I just have no idea. Because once again... here comes Tall, Young, Fairly Fit Whitey McWhiterson to audition for a Short, Old, Chubby Latino Man. So I have my doubts.

But what makes this so important to me is that Piragua Guy is, without exaggeration, my second favorite musical theater character ever. It goes Elphaba, Piragua Guy. DONE. So those two roles have always seemed like impossible dream roles that I would never have a chance at even getting considered for ever. Now that I am so close to one of them, I just want it.

And I believe the cast list will be sent out tonight. So... Who knows.

I mean, if I don't get it, I understand and I have West Side Story still, but... I just wanna sell some icees.

Santacon

Well it has been a long time since I blogged. Sorry about that.

I got to see LISA today! It was great fun. I met her at a bar where she was Santacon-ing and then we went and she got tacos and I got a burrito.

Then I saw The Great God Pan at Playwrights Horizons. I think this was my least favorite show I've seen at PH. I liked it, but it didn't quite land the way I wish it would have. Though it left me with a sour feeling leaving the theater which I was surprised about. But not sour about the production, but sour because of the content. And I LOVED the set!

Ok.. got to go. I have company ;)