You Ok?

I guess I just suck at knowing how to read people through their texts.

Yesterday I found out I was not cast in In The Heights. It sucked. I mean in all the ways I was expecting to not get in. YET in all the ways I was expecting to get in. Not getting cast, or the rejection of it all, is not the thing that made me sad. It was not getting a chance to work with this team that disappointed me. AND the fact that seemingly my one chance at playing this part is gone. So basically its a bummer.

So I'm not feeling so hot and then I get a text.

It was J, who I don't believe has been mentioned on this here blog yet. J and I happened like 3 weeks ago. It was fun. It was one night. I left my number because... if you read this blog, you are certain to know, I'm always game for more. Yesterday was the first day I get a text.... 3 weeks later. There was a pseudo-apology within the initial text. But I chose to respond in a friendly but non eager way (at least I tried to)

Then the responses became really confusing. Maybe I'm making them more confusing than they were, but it seemed like I was being brushed off. I dont get why after 3 weeks one would text and not have any desire for any sort of conversation. So then I was mad. Because naturally... once my emotions are headed in a direction, everything pulls them deeper and deeper in that direction. I may be bipolar or some shit like that. Who knows.

Grumpy Bryan was all over the place and Twitter caught a lot of the expulsion of feeling.

Mid day today I get a text saying "How's everything been? You ok?"

Sorry, but DA FUCK does that mean? I began to wonder if my Twitter rantings had been sighted by J, then I thought... maybe he's just talking about ITH. So I've responded in that vain, but who knows.

Once again, I find myself just wishing people were honest about how they felt and didnt play these silly little games. And I find myself wanting to be super honest with them, but I know if I just let go and say all the things I'm really thinking, I will ensure fright and will never be spoken to again.

UGH. Life is frustrating.